So, I was inspired by my friend's post on LJ about quotes she had heard today so I decided to post some of the weirdest quotes from my life.

Okay, here we go.....

And hey, guess what? I'm allowed to use their real names instead of the fake ones they used to make me use.

My Mom (to my brother): Spit it out!
My brother, Josh: Hold on, I want to keep explaining it!

Josh: Who's that?
Me: That's George Hamilton.
Josh: Oh, ew, he looks like a giant piece of beef jerky!

Me: Hey, do you remember the Duggars?
Josh: No, do you remember the fuckers? Oh! Wait! I didn't mean to say that!

Me: I have a conundrum.
Josh: Is that...some sort of tumor?

Me: Well, there's something you don't see everyday.
Mom: What? Two old ladies playing air hockey?
Me: It even sounds funny!

My Aunt Lori (to my brother): I said old ladies, not old farts, you're the one that keeps farting!

Josh: Oh, I thought I smelled dill pickle but it was just my armpit.

Me: Oh, that's unlucky.

Me: Make like a camera and focus, dumbass!

Josh (after sparking a fire): I make fire!

Me (holding my Supernatural season two DVD case up): Aren't they beautiful?
Aunt Sandy: Who are they?
Me: Pretty.

Emmy (after chasing Josh around and finally cutting him off): I bite.

Me (after seeing my little brother and little cousins all ride by on their bikes): You don't see that everyday, it's a parade of midgets!

Josh: Can you protect them from me? I'm 666. Actually, I'm only 333.
Me: You're only half evil?

Me (unwrapping SPN season two): Oh, look at that, they're unwrapped (hugging them to my chest) I feel closer to them.

Me: Is there any dessert?
Lori: Um, I think there's some ginger cookies.
Me: Good, then I can put some lipstick on.
Uncle Jack: For the ginger cookies?

Me: Like my lipstick? (with a straight face) It's for the ginger cookies.
Lori: Wow, those are some red hot ginger cookies.

Me: Are you psychic or psychotic?
Jacob: Don't they mean the same thing?

Josh (while watching a commercial for a bra): I feel like I shouldn't talk during this commercial.

Me (about Josh): He's becoming a teenager and it's scaring me!

Me (about Dog the Bounty Hunter): You know, you see him on the street, you don't think 'oh, he must be a really nice guy who's in touch with God and has a nice family and a stable job'. You think, 'holy crap, that is one scaring motherfucker'.

Josh: I'm a marmoset!

And this has been.....Tales from the Peanut Gallery!

Don't ask me about that last one, because I have no idea.

Kisses,
Becks

My Best Friend

So, there's this girl and I love her.

....

....

....Wait. Hold the phone, that didn't come out right.

No, I don't love her like that. She's my best friend. She's been my best friend since kindergarten. Her name is Hannah and she's probably the best friend a girl could ask for. When I was a little girl and a hopeless romantic (thank God, I got over that) I used to imagine my wedding day. She would be my maid of honor and I would be hers. Unfortunately, shortly after grade six, my mom took a job in Alberta. So, we were forced to pack up our lives and move from Victoria, BC to Peace River, AB. I went through a bad time in my life and I kind of lost touch with her. Actually, I lost touch with everyone. I barely even spoke to my family. Last year we got in touch again, but unfortunately, my life was kind of stirred up again when I found out I had a little sister and we lost touch again.

But then...I don't know, maybe a few months ago (?).....we got in touch again and now we talk all the time and it's awesome. It's great that we're back in contact again and I even find myself wondering about that wedding day of mine.

My life is finally back on track and I have a best friend again.

Yes, life is good.

Love you, Hannah!

(This post was inspired by a post by her.)

Kisses,
Becks

Real Love Stories Never Have Endings....

Well, we're back from the wedding. It was actually an awesome wedding and a really great, fun way to spend a weekend. It was a very...how shall I put this?...young people dominated wedding. Not surprising since the bride and groom are.....what?...I don't even think they're twenty-five yet. But, yeah, it was fun. Great party. She looked like a princess, he looked very handsome, their little boy was the cutest baby there (well...okay, one of the cutest babies there. There were a lot of babies there) and the food was good. The wedding had everything. It even had an amusing drunk (the brother of the bride, even younger than her, he's only twenty-two, he's a little bit of a spaz when he gets drunk and from what I hear, he's gets drunk a lot). However, it did not have the drama I was hoping for. Let me just explain; this family (the family of the bride) are the most damaged family I have ever met. Technically, I am related to them by blood, but I am so not as damaged as them. So yeah, they have a lot of problems. There's a whole bunch of kids and a whole mess of grandchildren and now a small but growing tangle of great-grandchildren. And they have problems galore. Disowning children, secret affairs, alcohol problems, a lot of the siblings aren't speaking to each other, they don't like their mother's new boyfriend, kids have issues, it's just a mess. And I was expecting (hoping) for some major drama to unfold at this wedding. I do need some material for my novel after all. But the most I got was...let's see...well, one of the sons (a real jerk by the way) didn't speak to anyone and another one snubbed his seven year old niece. Seven years old, for god's sake. It was heartbreaking. She came up, said ''hi!'' all excited and crap and he barely even glanced at her. So there was some drama, but not nearly enough.

But....

I did learn some interesting facts about myself. I am a damn good actress and should really consider a career in schmoozing. Seriously. Look:

Relative: So, Becky, how's school going?
Me: Oh, it's going great. Right on schedule.
(Mom and the Aunts crack up laughing)

Relative: It was so nice meeting you. We really should do this again some time.
Me: Oh, yes, definitely. It's been way too long. *thinking: actually, it hasn't been long enough you old drunk*
Relative: And if you need anything, you call me.
Me: I'll be sure to do that. *thinking: not*

But it was fun. The bride has always been such a great girl (I remember when I was little I used to love hanging out with my ''cool cousin'') and I couldn't be happier for her. Her new husband seems like such a great guy and their love story just goes to show you can in fact fall in love with your best friend. See, they were friends first and then after high school they decided to move in together and - whamo! It's like five years later and now they have a son and they just got married. It's like a fairytale. And yes, I do realize I am not being my usual bitter and sarcastic self, but I...I don't know....the wedding just made me want to get married. Apparently I'm not the only one who wanted to jump forwards in time. My mother was holding a baby for like a hour and she was getting so into it when we got back to the motel I just had to ask her ''so Mom, did holding the baby (name omitted) make you want to have another baby?'' And she answered with ''no, but it did make me excited for the days when I'll have little grandbabies.'' It was like, ''well, geez, no pressure''.

I'm only fifteen!

Anyways, the whole wedding was just a great experience. Got to show off my schmoozing skills, got to see family, got to eat to die for cake and I got to watch the cutest couple have one of the best weddings I've ever been to. Bride and Groom didn't stop smiling the whole night. They did the whole slideshow thing they do at weddings (nearly made me cry), they did the first dance (it was adorable, I was smiling the whole way through) and they even did the father and daughter dance (that one made me a little depressed, seeing as I'll never have that.) And they even wrote their own vows. Had a hard time keeping my cool then.God, it really was great.But seeing it really made me long for the days when I get married and have babies. And I don't even know if I want kids. That is so weird. No, seriously, seeing my mom so happy made me wonder when her boyfriend is going to man up and propose. They've been together for eight years for goodness sake. I just want to see her happy.

Aw....
.....Jesus

All this wedding shit has made me all sappy and emotional and....happy.Something is seriously off here.

See ya later, kiddies!
Kisses,
Becks

watch out! i'm a stalker!

So, there's these two guys who live across the street from me and one of them is totally hot. I've named them Greg and Gary and my Aunts are positive that they're gay. They are not gay! And since it's so hot out, Greg (the hot one) has a tendency to take his shirt off while doing everything. It's freakin' awesome. However, my fondness of spying on them all day is starting to effect me in other ways. Even when I'm not in the house, I'm thinking about going home so I can watch them. They are absolutely fascinating and I fear I am developing a serious stalking problem here.

Huh.....

....I wonder what they're doing now.

I should go find my binoculars.

See ya party peoples, I'm off to spy on my boys!

Kisses,
Becks

Clean Up

I'm supposed to be cleaning my room. The Aunts are coming in a few days and the house has to be spotless. Can't let them see who we really are, you know? Everything has to be perfect, not a thing out of place.

Yesterday my brother forced us to play I Never and I think after the gane was finished, everyone wished we had never played. Things were learned that no one ever wanted to know. We learned my mother has given at least ten blow jobs in her life, everyone learned I once had a crush on a girl and then everyone learned something about my brother that....let's just say it involves booger. But none of that compared to what they learned about me. (Hint: It's something sexual.)

There are things that should be known and things that shouldn't.

In my opinion.

Between Fingertips

Between Fingertips

"Children want to feel instinctively that their father is behind them as solid as a mountain, but, like a mountain, is something to look up to."
-Dorothy Thompson

Five. There are five stages of grief and each one grabs onto you and hangs on like a tic, feeding off your misery. Sometimes people work through the five stages in a month, five weeks, five months, a year maybe. Others are different. You remember it took you years to work through the five stages, and you remember each stage like it was yesterday …..

Part One, Denial: The Destruction You Left Behind.
Things don’t have to change that much, you tell yourself. So what if you don’t see him every day, you see him every other weekend, that’s just as good. No change at all really. It’s not even a big deal. Maybe you won’t fight as much this way.

It really is better this way. It’s better that the visits stopped, because they were too awkward and it was weird saying goodbye when all you really wanted to say was "When are you coming home?" Because he will come home. Things like this happen to other people, they don’t happen to you. Your life is normal, completely normal. Nothing is wrong, because he’ll come home, it’s just a matter of time, and everything will be the same.

You love the phone call arrangement. It’s great! There aren’t any awkward pauses at all. That’s just you catching your breath after all the talking you did. You don’t roll your eyes when he tells you he’s changed, that he’s getting his life together, that he’s training to be a firefighter. Really. You don’t. Because it’s all true. And he’s doing all this for you, not for him. He’s doing it so he can come back. So everything can be right. And it will be right again, because this just doesn’t happen to you.

So the visits stopped, so the phone calls stopped, so you’re moving where he can’t find you. So you haven’t seen him in years, so all you have is memories, growing faded like old photographs, so you don’t even know him anymore. So what?

It doesn’t matter.

Because these things don’t happen to you.

Part Two, Anger: Hell Is Where You Are.
You want to hit him. You want to see him again just so you can yell at him and hit him so hard he goes crashing to the ground. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t think about you. He’s got a new daughter to break like he broke you. He’ll tell her he loves her; he’ll make her think he’ll always be there, and then he’ll leave. Or maybe he won’t. Maybe he only did that with you.
It’s not because you weren’t good enough, because you were. You were a great daughter. It was because he was a coward. A man who didn’t try hard enough to be what he should have been.
As far as you’re concerned all he is now is a bug on the bottom of your shoe. A bad memory you wish you could erase. You never want to see him again. Let him live his miserable life filled with guilt. He means nothing to you now. You don’t need him.

You’re glad he left. All he was, was poison. Maybe that’s what his blood is. Poison. And now that same blood is running through your veins like the poison that it is. You wish he wasn’t half your DNA. You wish she had chosen someone else, someone, anyone, other than him. Someone who didn’t leave when things got hard. Someone who wasn’t a complete loser. You would have been better off.

You don’t think of him at all. Let him live with his demons of guilt taunting him. Let him live with your ghost whispering in his ear. You don’t care.

He’s not going to break you again. That’s what his new daughter is for.

Part Three, Bargaining: Die For These Sins.
"I’ll clean my room, I’ll go to school, I won’t talk back, I’ll be the perfect daughter," you pray. Like it’ll make a difference. You know by now that things will never go back to the way they were. Those days are gone. But you would still trade everything you own just to see him again.
Not only do you want to see him more than anything, you want to wake up and have all this be a dream. You’ll sell your soul for that to happen. You know it’s ridiculous. These things have already happened. You can’t change things just by praying.

You would give your heart to hear his voice again, even if it is only one last time. You would give any one of your five senses just to know if he thinks of you at all. Even if it does hurt you more than it helps you. You would give your talent to know he’s sorry, even if it doesn’t mean much anymore. You would give your last breath just to know why he left, why he decided to leave you all alone.

You’re not stupid, you know it won’t happen, but you don’t care. You’re so desperate you’ll try anything.

So you pray.

You bargain.

Part Four, Depression: Hang Limply On.
Maybe he wasn’t perfect. Maybe he wasn’t a great guy. Maybe he had his flaws, but he was still your Dad, and you still love him with everything you have.

You were young when he left and while you understood what was happening, you never really let yourself grieve, until you had all this time on your hands. Time that made you think.
Some days, there’s this weight on your chest, and it gets so heavy that you can’t breathe. Some days, moments go by when all you want to do is cry out, but the screams, the whispers of "Daddy come home" die in your throat and all you’re left with is a bitter taste in your mouth and a lump in your throat.

You hide it all. You hide that you’ve been trying to find him on the computer. You hide how much it hurts. You hide everything. You say you’re fine when really you’re not. Until one night you break. Then the next thing you know you’re in Mom’s room, and she’s half asleep, but she’s listening. You’re crying, and asking over and over to know why until even your dog looks at you funny.

You don’t remember what your Mom said that night, but you remember it helped. You still love him with everything you have; only now you know he loves you too.

Part Five, Acceptance: The Noise of Stars.
You’re never going to understand why this happened, why he left. You’re always going to wonder if he thinks of you, if he misses you. You’re always going to wonder if he thinks of his only son. You’re always going to miss him. You’re always going to love him. But now you know this is the way it has to be.

If he hadn’t left, you and everyone else involved would be damaged, at best, because of the relationship he had with your mother and even with you.

Acceptance is the hardest stage to reach, some people get lost along the way, and you’re glad you’ve finally gotten there, after all these years. You’re glad you can remember him, with only a touch of sadness.

You’ve decided to stop looking for him. If it’s meant to be he’ll find you. When he’s ready. You’re positive you can manage to survive without him. After all, you’ve got a pretty amazing mother.
You’ve accepted that this has happened to you, that it’s happened and there is nothing you can do about it. You’ve accepted that he probably won’t be there to walk you down the aisle if and when you get married. You’ve accepted that his only son, your brother, has to grow up without a father. You’ve accepted a lot of things, but still, every night you look at the stars and wonder if he’s looking at the same ones.

Because his blood still runs through your veins, he’s still your Dad, and you’re still going to need him.

But for now, you’re going to be just fine.

"It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was."
- Anne Sexton

end

and that is the story that won in a local fair.

I am Becks, hear me roar!

So, I did it. I sent an e-mail to my father's girlfriend just saying hi and telling her who I am. I asked her if my father wants to know anything about me and my brother.

And I told my mom. She was great about it, but my brother...I honestly thought he was going to start crying. Then he changed the subject.

I'm feeling a little....complicated.

I suppose that's understandable though.